Will I still be me

I am so scared to actually go through with the surgery because I have this fear that I won’t be ‘me’ after it. I have two young daughters and it scares me to think about all this. How do you all handle the fear??

Unfortunately overcoming the fear is the hardest part of this journey sometimes you just have to get all the information you can make the best decisions you can, take a deep breath and pray for the best outcome possible… the lack of control is difficult to grasp at times!
Just hang in there, surround yourself with your support group and move forward the best you can I’m sure you’ll do fine!


It’s just something that we all have to faced. Not saying it’s easy or anything but it’s just a task that everyone goes through. Face your fears and look back and joke about what you’ve gone through.

Surrender all your worries and fears to God and He will handle the rest.Pray and believe.
Praying for you successful surgery.
God bless us all!

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Hey Kyle,
There really is no easy answer to your question. I’ve had a few neurosurgeries and people say it gets easier, well, no it doesn’t. I have to agree with Mike “…the lack of control is difficult to grasp at times!” I’ve always ‘tried’ to be the one in control, but in this case I’ve had to hand that control over to others and that has been daunting to say the least. Again, as Mike states get as much information as you can and surround yourself with supportive people. From here it really is all in the hands of the dr’s.
Wishing you the very best and hoping that all goes well.

Merl from the Moderator Support Team

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You can’t let fear of personality change affect your decision to get medical treatment. I’ll be cold and direct, I’m sure your children would prefer a parent who is a little bit different than one who isn’t there at all.
Honestly, you won’t be who you were before but isn’t that true regardless of surgery or not? Humans change over the course of time, there’s no way to avoid it. Explain to them before hand, at whatever level of understanding they are able to comprehend.
As a matter of fact, you may want to write them a letter or do a little video about you before and after and give it to them after a time. You may also want to reassure them, regardless of changes you still love them.

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In your other thread, you say your AVM is superficial, so I think there is a decent chance of having your op without anything affecting “you”. There is definitely a risk that you have some impacts from it but I agree with everything the others have said.

Its a big thing to choose. However, I could argue we are often in a difficult place in this community, having to choose between the rock and the hard place. Its your choice.

Very best wishes,


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Hi Kyle, Its not meant to be easy for any of us in life and it truly challenges us all, however I have great confidence you will always be you at the end of the day… stay positive and keep up the faith and things will work out just fine… God bless!

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PRAY for guidance, Kyle, would how I would handle it.

How about the ‘NEW ME’? You see, with me, strokes during many brain surgeries in 1990, I DID have to start over at everything, yet I was 29 years old and that was not easy. BUT, I ‘never gave up’ thru my rehabilitation and when I was ready to live back on my own, again, I looked at it as I had a new beautiful 2ND LIFE! I tried to always way in that I was Blessed w/this priceless 2nd Life, and it took a while to say, but my 2nd Life is better than I ever dreamed of! Good luck to you, Kyle and may GOD be w/YOU!!!


You likely will not be the “old” you. But you will likely be the brand new you with more patience and understanding of yourself and others. You may become a kinder, gentler Kyle. You will learn to pick your battles and you will find out that every fight is not worth fighting. Conserve your energy and dwell on the goodness in your life. Negativity is our enemy! P&P Kyle, P&P (Prayer & Patience).

Sharon D…

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Kyle, you can be a BETTER you!