What I miss most

I miss writing (as in literally penning words in a paper rather than just keying them in a computer screen). Unfortunately, my second battle for life resulted in my inability to write again. I was right-handed who learned to use my left hand after my essays almost always get marked poorly. I’ve been left-handed since then.

Theoretically, writing again should not be a problem for me even after my operation last year since it was the right side of my brain that had been affected. I should still be able to write using my left hand. But for some reason, I can’t write legibly on both.

I have been practicing my handwriting everyday–both my left and right hand–hoping they’d eventually come back. But to date, I still can’t write as legibly as before. My penmanship, especially with my right hand, also has ‘moods’ now that I still can’t quite figure out. It confounds my patience and the little determination I still have.

And, to make matters worse, I also find it difficult to type. I was a slow typist before. I type slower now, making me think that the universe conspired to put me down, buried deeply in the ground.

I know it’s hard to look on the bright side and focus on what you have, but it’s really the only way to get through this. No one can deny your feelings, but they do not control you. You control them.

Writing is a great way to get this off your chest, but (if you don’t already) also try to write about what are grateful for. Take care of yourself, Ben

I am sorry to hear you have had such long term problems and I am also happy you have found this site where there are others that have moments of frustation just like you. Others here can uplift you and I think you may be at a place where you need that right now. It saddened me to see you comment about the universe being against you and wanting you deep in the ground. If that were true you would not be here now. You would already be in the ground. You are still here for a reason and it is not to feel sad or depressed. Please have some faith in God / the universe or whatever it is you believe in. I believe in God and the power of praying. Praying can be good therapy or maybe some people meditate. All I know is you should try to help yourself and be open to others helping you in anyway they can. One more thing - remember all of those models on the magazine covers have been airbrushed to make them look that good :slight_smile:

This past Thursday was Thankgiving here in the US. It is a time to give thanks and so even if times are bad or sad. It is a day to think about what we ARE thankful for. I have mixed feelings as to if I am really glad I found out about my AVM. I have to believe and have faith that I am at this place in my life for a reason, even if I don’t know today what the reason is. Hopefully it is to get treatment and live to be a ripe old age or maybe to talk to you on this site right now. I have no idea but I do like to write poems but then I don’t write them that often. This poem however is my thought for you today:

I hope you feel better each day Lucky Mae
for you are a blessing to someone today
Look at all of the family in the pictures you have here
I can see from there faces that they hold you dear

Have a blessed day tomorrow and I will say a prayer for you and me both :slight_smile:

Hi Lucky,

It might help if you use a larger pen or a grip that you can slip over a pen. I sometimes have problems because I have arthritis, and more and more, I tend to find to grab a larger pen. Hope this helps.

Take care,


I am always trying to feel okay, Ben. I think I’m just still getting the hang of this.

I should not be feeling this way anymore. After all, I have been in the same situation 10 years ago. But I say it was different then. I have my high school life to look forward to whereas I have nothing much now that would goad me back…

Even though I know what my hands are only capable of doing, I find myself still practicing them everyday. I’m not giving up. And I pray that you and everybody in this site won’t too.

Hi Dawn! You know, my ex-boyfriend’s former girlfriend is also named Dawn. It’s a useless trivia but I remembered it just the same.

God would not let us down. Few months after my second operation, it occurred to me that the One wants me to do something before I leave this world : )

Thanks again, Dawn!

Your idea has helped me before, Debbie, when I had my first brain surgery 10 years ago. It wouldn’t work anymore now though, but I’m still trying.

Thanks again!

Lucky Mae,

You have a gift to offer now, though you may not know it. You have lived with this for 10 years. Because of this community, you are now a source of knowledge and support. People will ask for your opinion and support. They need your help. Think about them, help them, and I promise you’ll also benefit along the way.


Im sorry you have to go through this long journey…You know what lucky Mae…You are an inspiration to me…THank you for been my friend…You see It Is taking a little bet longer, but you will succeed…Have faith dont forget about your loved ones please…

Thank you, Anabel : ) You hit it right. Whenever I feel like giving up, I’d be reminded by my loved ones. Their faith in me is what is keeping me fighting.

I really would want to help. I just want to be honest. What I’m having now is different from what I had then. I’ll still be trying…

I’m very inspired by the fact that you continue to practice writing with both hands. I hope the skills will come back with time.
i’m right handed and i’m learning to do things with my left hand, as i think it would be nice to try. will think of you everytime I do.