Surviving a stroke

I’m coming up on the 5 year anniversary of my stroke. Based upon what the neurosurgeons and reports of family and friends, it was pretty bad and I’m lucky to be alive.
Not to sound ungrateful but some of that luck includes my memory being destroyed, my intellect compromised, much of my sense of humor gone, my skin erupted in boils and my upper teeth replaced on the way to being replaced with dentures.
I’m not suicidal or even depressed because I don’t feel much emotion anymore either. I just am. I exist.
And why this, why now? My primary doctor wants to put me on a high blood pressure medication. My blood pressure isn’t even really high for a man my age. It’s because because I had a stroke. Forget the fact the stroke was a result of my AVM, not high blood pressure.
My wife doesn’t understand my ambivalence about life, the fatalism. It’s certainly no desire to check out quickly. It’s all about living my life on my terms. So much of that has been taken away from me. I want to hold on to what little control I have.

Hello TDZ103M
Do you still have your avm? Maybe that is why they want to put you on the blood pressure meds. I too had a stroke pre avm due to a rare side effect from a hormone and taking vit K- I have low blood pressure -
If you dont still have your avm I dont understand why you would go on it. I would ask your primary to send you to a heart doctor.

I think its really hard for our loved ones and care givers to understand or relate how we feel after we have survived so much. I personally am in pain from my stroke every waking moment and still so weak even though I have been doing PT since 2011. I often hear you look fine and no one can tell. Well I can tell and I certainly dont feel fine.
I know I dont want any more meds I already take so much stuff - I think its fair to ask your primary to send you to a heart doctor and to explain why since your stroke was caused by your avm.


Yes, I still have the AVM. It’s too big and deep for embolization and radio methods. When the embolization was attempted and the structure of the AVM was charted, it was found there was possibly another structure a bit deeper, which nobody knew about previously.
There was another aspect I thought of as well, lethargy, tiredness, fatigue, whatever anybody wants to call it. I sleep 8 to 9 hours of sleep at night + an hour and a half nap during the day.

I am so sorry to hear that they cant fix it for you. after my first embolism they had to leave some vessels open and when I went back in the second time they said it was because it would cause paralysis.
The second angiogram showed that those vessels somehow closed on their own. But obviously that could change. its rare that this happens but it does occur I did meet another avm/davf person who also closed up by itself.

It is your body and your decision. Only you can make this choice after you have the best information to make your decision.

I know even with mine being contained for the moment I still feel like a ticking bomb in my head. I have so many meds to take it fills up a 2x3 table and when people stop by and see it they cant believe it. I know before my embolism I was extremely tired all the time but could not sleep because of the sounds in my head. I do have more energy but nothing like I had prior to all this health stuff hit me.