We need to break up. This relationship isn't working for me.
You are terribly controlling. You don't let me exercise, drink caffeine, stay up late, or let me focus on anything. You cause me terrible headaches and anxiety every day.
Then there was that one time that you decided to explode and bleed all over the place. It was terribly painful and inconvenient and I missed three months of work.
You are so expensive. My bank account can't handle you anymore.
You ruined my eyesight and my handwriting. What type of friend does that?
When people look at me, they only see you. I'm that poor girl that is stuck with you.
You know how people say, "It's not you, it's me", well that is not true in our case. It is all you. You son of a biscuit.
I'm planning on zapping you to obliteration so you might as well just leave right now.
I seriously hate you. We're officially over.